


your touch heals (all my scars)

by lovemenow



Category: MXM (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drunkenness, Excessive Drinking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Foreplay, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, MxM - Freeform, No Sex, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Smoking, im youngmin - Freeform, kim donghyun - Freeform, not really foreplay though lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-13 11:18:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12982923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemenow/pseuds/lovemenow
Summary: youngmin is hopelessly in love with donghyun. donghyun doesn't know how to tell youngmin he feels the same way.





	your touch heals (all my scars)

**Author's Note:**

> precautions/notes  
> —  
> character ages are up by three years! i wrote this in 2017 and i used intl. ages so, if you're lazy to count then, youngmin and kenta are twenty-five, sewoon is twenty-three and donghyun is twenty-two. this doesn't really affect the whole plotline but i do mention about it so it's just a heads up.  
> —  
> if you aren't comfortable with mentions of self-harm, depression, etc., please be warned that there are some elements of it in this fic, as well as touch-and-go mentions of smoking. these all mainly apply to donghyun so you can just be extra careful if you need to when reading his parts.  
> —  
> no sex involved, but there are two to four parts of them being a little bit overboard. they had sex at the end but i didn't fully write smut, just foreplay and needy!donghyun. heh.  
> —  
> all the love in advance!  
> xoxo

**PART I.**

 

Donghyun pulls the sleeves of his sweater down, covering his knuckles. He holds his knees closer, pulling them to his chest. It's cold in Hongdae, colder than usual. It's not snowing just yet, but the wind blowing through the open window brushes his skin and tints his cheeks a light pink. 

 

It's been four months. Four months since the man he loved stomped out of his condominium and left him in the dark with bruises on his forearms and open scars on his wrists. After over a year of pining and waiting, the relationship he had hoped for so long to happen ended up falling apart right in front of his eyes within a short time span of less than eight months. Like the love story which ended abruptly, Donghyun fell apart as well.

 

He knows. He knows letting him go was the right thing to do, if not reporting it to the police about all the nights he came home drunk and started yelling at him for no apparent reason and punching him until he was knocked out on the cold tiles. He knows that he deserves better than a man who pretends he never caused all the emotional pain and showers him with love only when he feels like it.

 

Donghyun had always lived life positively up till he crashed down his walls and took away Donghyun's will to live. Rather adamant to leave everyone he's known in the past twenty-two years behind, and agreeing that he still has a lot of things to live for and cross off his bucket list, he doesn't end his life. Still, every once in a while, there's bound to be more than just a few open scars on his wrist.

 

He doesn't mind being alone. He doesn't care enough to change the fact that the possibility of him dying alone, without finding someone new to love and cherish, is high. Even his colleagues at work think he's hopeless — they've tried taking his lighter away, snatching his box of cigarettes, even letting him off work for a whole two weeks in hopes of seeing him come back as a better, more relaxed man. They give up on him, eventually.

 

Donghyun can't remember the last time he felt genuinely happy or when his heart was so full it felt like it was going to explode in his chest. He can't recall who was the last person he laughed with and smiled at. If it's not depressing enough, he's constantly drowning his sorrows by taking large swigs of the soju in the fridge.

 

Yet no matter how helpless and hopeless he is, there's a soul kind enough to not leave him in the dust. Donghyun calls him the angel, a blessing, a light. Although Donghyun is still shaken and takes a long time to open up to people he doesn't know that well, the older male keeps the ball rolling. He's almost like Donghyun's personal therapist. But maybe a little bit better. Quite the charmer, and good-looking.

 

The young man who comes over to Donghyun's quaint condominium every now and then is called Youngmin. Tall, handsome, bright — he talks Donghyun down and brings him peace. Donghyun enjoys his company, even if they always somehow end up sitting together cross-legged on the floor watching  _Me Before You_.

 

Donghyun likes hearing Youngmin tell him all about his day, and what happened last weekend when he went to Daegu with his friends, and how things are at home with his house-mate Kenta. Donghyun could just listen to the twenty-five year old talk about anything and everything under the sun and he'd already feel relieved.

 

He barely says anything when he's with Youngmin. Maybe one or two sentences and small smiles. He doesn't need to speak to let him know that he's thankful for his presence. He hopes Youngmin understands.

 

Donghyun's eyes flicker to the clock hung on the wall. It's almost 10p.m., over an hour past the usual timing Youngmin would ring on his house bell and come in with a wide grin playing on his lips. No text, no call. Donghyun doesn't know why his heart caves in with every minute that passes.

 

* * *

 

Youngmin is stuck at his shared apartment. He's kind of thankful Kenta went out to celebrate a friend's birthday in Gangnam, but he can't find anything to let his frustration out. He'd been going to Donghyun's condo so much that he had forgotten about the school project due at midnight given over a week ago. Youngmin is close to pulling his hair out.

 

He could only imagine the disappointment on his mother's face if he called her up and told her that he'd failed a class. Youngmin goes to a part-time university and majors in music, and he'd went through so much just to get his parents' consent to move out of Busan and continue his studies. If he doesn't live up to their expectations, he'd have to move back.

 

But frankly speaking, he's not all that annoyed if he has to move back. He just doesn't want to be so far away from Donghyun.

 

He met Donghyun through Sewoon, a mutual friend, back in summer in 2017. It's almost been three long years since he's known Donghyun. Initially they weren't all that close, but as time passed and they started hanging out a lot, with the rare occasion when Sewoon tags along, they got closer and Youngmin was easily one of the people Donghyun trusted the most. It was all going well, but then one day Donghyun just cut him off.

 

He was hard to reach. His calls and texts weren't answered. Youngmin later found out his boyfriend was controlling everything that was going on in his life. The night Donghyun called him using his boyfriend's phone, he was crying and he pleaded for help. Youngmin didn't know what happened after; the line was cut off.

 

He only heard about Donghyun's condition after Sewoon told him what had happened and how Donghyun's life plunged into turmoil. When he went over to Donghyun's place some forty-five minutes later, he looked lost and confused, like a child who let go of his parents' hands in a big crowd. His lips were trembling and his eyes were glassy, his tears falling freely down his face.

 

Donghyun refused to speak. He wouldn't look at Youngmin in the eyes. It was as if he was afraid of people.

 

These days, Youngmin goes to Donghyun's condo at random, but he's gotten used to visiting him every Wednesday night. There's guilt enveloping him slowly as his eyes glance at the timing on his laptop screen: 10:23p.m. He contemplates texting Donghyun to tell him that he'll come over tomorrow night instead, but there's a force holding him back. He thinks, it's not like he made a promise to see him tonight, and he figured that Donghyun isn't expecting him anyway.

 

There's a voice at the back of his head telling him that it doesn't matter if he fails this class, because Donghyun is far more important. Youngmin leans back against the chair and runs his hand down his face, cursing under his breath.  _Go_ , it's yelling at him. Louder, louder — it's deafening him. He picks up his phone a few moments later and punches in Donghyun's number.

 

"Mm?" the voice on the other side of the line is quiet and soft. Youngmin lets out a sigh of relief.

 

"I'll come over tomorrow night, okay?" he tells Donghyun gently. "I- I'm sorry it's on such short notice and I didn't tell you I'm not coming over tonight. I hope you weren't waiting... or something." Youngmin doesn't hear anything, just the hushed breathing against the speaker. "Have a good night, Donghyun-ah."

 

Donghyun hums lowly in response, then hangs up. Youngmin knits his brows together loosely, his lips twisting into a frown. He pulls the dry skin off his lips with his teeth, taking a breather for a few seconds. Youngmin sighs and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, it's 10:30p.m. He hurriedly goes back to completing his given task, trying to get rid of the name filling up all the blanks in his head.

 

* * *

 

Youngmin  _does_ come over the night after, with cans of beer in a small white plastic bag. Donghyun is sitting cross-legged on the three-seater, his phone resting on his thigh. He watches Youngmin set the cans on the coffee table, his lips curled into a small smile as he sits down next to Donghyun.

 

"Lock your door," Youngmin tells him. "I know your neighbours aren't going to barge in here and your block is safe enough but... just for precautions, yeah?" 

 

Donghyun nods his head, dismissing him shortly. He's reaching out for a can and opening it. He glances at Youngmin and then back at the cans, signalling him to open one and drink with him. Donghyun hears the twenty-five year old huff, pursing his lips into a thin line. He gives in and opens a can anyway, but drinks only a few moments after Donghyun has taken a long swig.

 

Donghyun wants to say something,  _anything_ , to clear the tension lingering in the air. But whenever he opens his mouth, waiting for a normal, constructed sentence to tumble out, nothing comes out. And he feels guilty, at times like these, because he knows Youngmin is trying his best to help him and make him the person he was back in the summer of 2017, when he was cheerful and happy and not sitting at home moping around.

 

"Have you been eating your meals well this past week? A-and your anti-depressants..." the older male trails off, his eyes falling down to his slender fingers. Donghyun scoots closer, placing his hand on Youngmin's forearm. When he looks up, Donghyun gives him a small smile and reassuringly squeezes his arm, nodding his head a few times. "O-okay, that's good."

 

He takes the beer can out of Youngmin's hold and sets it down on the table, turning his body so he's fully facing him. His left leg is dangling off the couch and his right is folded. "Youngmin-hyung," his voice comes out more hoarse than he expected it to be. "Sorry," he says quietly, not quite meeting the latter's gaze.

 

"Hm?" Donghyun barely hears Youngmin's low hum. "Why?"

 

He looks up at Youngmin for a split second. "For making it seem that I'm not trying," he tells him softly. "It just looks like you're the only one trying to keep me sane, and I- I'm not even helping myself out here..." Donghyun fades off, his head hung low as he fiddles with his fingers.

 

"No," Youngmin breathes, "take your time, all of it. Giving yourself time is helping yourself, okay? You don't have to worry about anything, at all. I promise." Donghyun can hear the desperation laced in his voice as he croaks all the words out. His heart is caving in again, like last night. Maybe a bit more faster, a bit more deeper. It's hurting him.

 

He looks up at Youngmin's glowing visage, his eyes warm and his lips curled up to form a small smile. "Hey, hey," Youngmin meets his dark eyes. "Donghyun-ah, I'll be here, alright? Through all of it. Loosen up a bit, I'm going to be with you for a long time."

 

Donghyun bites his lower lip. "So you're not going to leave me like he did?"

 

He shoots his head up before he sees Youngmin grimace at the sentence that leaves his mouth. It's silent again, only their breaths heard. Donghyun exhales deeply, suddenly wishing he could take back the words he just said. He feels the pressure he just put on Youngmin, and the remorse is coming back to get him again. "N-never mind, you don't have to answer that," he averts his gaze down to his lap, swallowing a huge lump in his throat.

 

At that point in time, Donghyun feels Youngmin's hand on his — his cold fingers brushing against his hot skin, sending an inevitable chill running down his spine and making his lungs catch for a moment or two. Donghyun lifts his head, his lips parted slightly and his eyes wide open.

 

"You know better than this. The last thing I'd ever do is leave you, Donghyun-ah."

 

He doesn't say anything. He just stares at his own hand enveloped in Youngmin's. And he doesn't know what is going through his head right now — he can't tell if it's fear, or confusion, or relief or panic. Donghyun, albeit hesitant, fiercely frees his hand from his grip. He blinks once, twice, opening his mouth to say something, but keeps mum after not being able to find the words to tell him.

 

Donghyun gets up, his eyes refusing to look away from Youngmin. He balls his hands into fists before walking briskly into his room, leaving Youngmin alone in the living room.

 

Fear. He comes to the conclusion that it was fear, judging by his trembling hands and the cold sweat dripping from his temples. And yet he doesn't know what he's so afraid of. He knows Youngmin won't leave him. He knows Youngmin won't be his second heartbreak. He knows Youngmin only means well, but he finds himself wanting to distance himself from him.

 

Donghyun places his head in his hands, his fingers threading through his dark hair. He mutters something about being selfish and stupid, his brows knitted together tightly. His bad habit of biting the inside of his bottom lip doesn't stop. He closes his eyes momentarily, bringing his knees to his chest and holding them closer to him.

 

He stays like that for a while, rocking back and forth on the cold floor, his forehead resting on his knees. He doesn't realize how much time has passed, until there's a knock on the door and a husky voice telling him, "I'm going home." A piece of paper is being slid into the room through the gap at the bottom of the door.

 

Donghyun hears the main door open and close outside. He reaches out for the paper and unfolds it, crossing his legs and leaning back against his bed.  _Talk to me when you're ready_ , is written on it.  _I'm sorry if I scared you tonight — please don't leave me hanging like this._

 

Donghyun scrambles up to his feet and rushes out of his room, clinging onto the small glimmer of hope that Youngmin still hasn't left his condo and is standing outside. But of course he's not there. Of course, as expected, Donghyun is barely a few moments too late.

 

His shoulders droop and his bottom lip juts out without him even noticing. Donghyun feels the guilt consuming him more and more as the minutes tick by.

 

* * *

 

**PART II.**

 

"What was I supposed to say then? Or no, was I supposed to keep quiet?" Youngmin frowns, folding his arms across his chest. He's sitting in a small coffee shop with Sewoon, telling him about what happened two nights ago. "Sewoon-ah, I'm just trying to reassure him that I really, just, seriously care for him," he tells him, the tiniest bit of frustration evident in his tone. "You know how I feel about him, don't you?"

 

Sewoon looks just as distressed. "I know, I know," he fidgets with the coin on the table as a distraction. "I know you mean well, Youngmin-hyung, but, you know Donghyun. You probably know him more than I do at this rate. And you know how traumatised he is, after what that...  _jerk_ did to him. I would just tell you to give him time, but, when it comes to Donghyun... I don't know how long does he need."

 

Youngmin takes a long breath and lets the silence envelope the both of them. It's true the probability of him knowing Donghyun more better than Sewoon is high, and it's also true that they both don't know how long would it take for Donghyun to fully open up and be the person he was three years ago. He wishes it was no longer than a painfully draggy five months, but it's coming close to a full four months since Youngmin started being Donghyun's pillar of support, and his progress is achingly slow. Youngmin is constantly finding himself overthinking the moment before he goes to sleep, a ridiculous amount of questions piling up in his head. Is he okay? Did he harm himself again tonight? Is he coping well with the workload given to him? Youngmin might as well just go mad just thinking about Donghyun.

 

He'd fallen for the twenty-two year old male some two years ago, way before he even met his ex-boyfriend. Donghyun had fallen asleep in the front seat of his car when Youngmin was driving him back to the condo. He took his own sweet time scanning Donghyun's features, from his long eyelashes and his full lips, to the way the ends of his mouth curl up slightly whatever he does and how peaceful he looked.  _Soon_ , was Youngmin's excuse every single time Sewoon asked him when was he going to speak up and tell him about how he felt. Realizing he was too late, he gave up. But as soon as he found out about Donghyun shutting everyone out, he made a promise to himself that he was going to be the one to take care of him and love him with all his heart, no matter how difficult Donghyun might be.

 

But at this rate, letting Donghyun know how he felt, and making him understand how much he means to him seemed nothing but impossible. He can't even maintain a proper conversation without an awkward gap or accidentally saying something that he never knew would trigger Donghyun. Youngmin isn't the type to give up easily, especially when it comes to love, but every time he tries reassuring himself that Donghyun would eventually open up to him and speak comfortably, he knows he's lying to himself.

 

"Will you ever give up on him, Youngmin-hyung?" Sewoon's soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

 

Youngmin keeps mum for a few seconds. "No, I don't think so..." he stumbles on his words. "I don't know. I really don't know." He purses his lips into a thin line, closing his eyes momentarily. "It's just, I mentally told myself that I wanted to make him my responsibility till the end. I don't want him to be alone anymore. Seeing him like that isn't the best sight, you know that as well. He's been hurt enough and I simply want him to be happy again, even if it takes an eternity."

 

Sewoon lets out a long huff. "I understand. I know you only want the best for him, but don't go to the extent of hurting yourself. Believe it or not, he needs you just as much as you need him," his eyes soften slightly. "I've been friends with him for a long time and I know that he's not the kind of person who just freely lets anyone come into his life to try and fix him. At this point of time, he probably trusts you more than he trusts me. Don't break his trust, Youngmin-hyung, it's tough to get it back."

 

There's a silence between them that seems to go on forever. They finish eating the pastries and drinking the cold blends. It's already 9p.m. by the time the both of them shrug on their long coats and start making their way out of the coffee shop. It's then that Youngmin feels the vibration of his phone in the front pocket of his jeans. He stops Sewoon from walking any further before fishing out the device.

 

 _Come over_ , from Donghyun.  _I want to see you._

 

Youngmin gives Sewoon one long stare. Without uttering a single word, Sewoon nods his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

 

* * *

 

"Hi," Donghyun greets Youngmin, his voice no louder than a hoarse whisper. He's wearing a red hoodie over a white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats, sitting on the couch with his knees pulled close to his chest.  _Me Before You_ is playing on the TV. Donghyun gives Youngmin a small, faint smile. "Sit down."

 

He watches the elder male pad quietly across the open plan kitchen and settles down beside him. "You dyed your hair," Donghyun notices, his eyes flickering up to Youngmin's head for a split second. Youngmin's previously faded orange hair had been dyed a more natural, lighter brown, which made him look younger and somewhat fresher. "I like it."

 

Youngmin lets out a light-hearted chuckle, his eyes twinkling as he unconsciously ruffles his hair. "Kind of got tired of how bright it was," he admits softly, brushing his bangs out of his face. "So, uh, anyway, you texted me so here I am- are you okay? Did anything trigger you? Or?"

 

Donghyun shakes his head before turning away from Youngmin, his attention averted to the movie playing on the television. "I'm fine, Youngmin-hyung," he rests his chin on his knees. "I just thought of you. Remember? I promised you a while back that I won't watch  _Me Before You_ with anyone else except for you." He laughs dryly, glancing at Youngmin. "I'm sorry for what I did."

 

Donghyun feels Youngmin's wide eyes burning him. "It must be tough, huh? Taking care of someone who keeps getting further and further, running faster and faster away from you." He meets Youngmin's gaze and smiles. "I don't know what's keeping you by my side, Im Youngmin. I don't know why you haven't left yet, I don't know why you persistently tell me all the things I want to hear," Donghyun breathes. "You know it better than anyone else, hyung — it's the fact that I don't deserve you, but I still want you."

 

"Don't you see? In the past month, even though I never said anything about not wanting you to come over, I tried to limit our interactions as much as possible. I really want to hate you, I want to make you walk out of my life just like he did," he lets out a long exhale, throwing his head back to lean on the headrest. "It's simple, hyung, I'm trying everything I can to make you hate me. I don't want to trouble you anymore."

 

He reaches down for the bottle of soju, taking a long swig. "But, see, this is just the alcohol doing all the talking," he tells Youngmin, snickering. "Because even you know I am just way too pussy to tell you all of my feelings, let alone talk to you like this." He drinks it again, his lips twisting into a frown. "But to be frank with you, I don't know if it's the alcohol making me drunk... it might be you instead, hyung."

 

Donghyun stares at Youngmin, his pupils dilated. "Mm, Im Youngmin, you make me drunk."

 

"You really are like a drug — addictive. No matter how hard I try to stop, I find myself wanting to see you again, needing your presence in this lonely house again," he chuckles darkly, taking another long swig from the bottle. "Stupid fucking fool, that's what I am, right, hyung? Sooner or later you really will just walk out of this hell of a place I supposedly call home. And I won't even be shocked at all."

 

Donghyun finishes the last of what's left in the tall glass bottle and lets it roll across the cold tiles. "Fucking hell, Im Youngmin," he knits his brows together, closing his eyes. "Sometimes I really wonder why it had to be you — why it had to be you who I started depending on and ended up falling for." His head spins, his thoughts clouded. "Tragic, isn't it? Falling for someone who doesn't think about you half as much as you think about him-–"

 

Donghyun feels dizzy and his lungs catch as he feels Youngmin's cold fingertips brush against his chin and pull him closer. He opens his mouth slightly as Youngmin's lips cover his in a kiss which almost feels desperate, as if it was something they had both craved for and needed. He's breathless, he can't think straight, and he wants to pull away right now. But Youngmin's plush lips moving against his gently and his slender fingers tangling in his hair are the things he'd been so hungry for, and Donghyun can't help but want more.

 

It's not long before he's straddling Youngmin and threading his fingers through his soft hair. Youngmin's hands are loosely gripping his waist, his forearms rested on his thighs. Donghyun hurriedly gets rid of the navy blue coat on Youngmin and throws it to the floor, pulling the elder's bottom lip with his teeth, his eyes darkening.

 

Donghyun takes a breather before he pushes the elder man down, hovering over Youngmin. His dark hair falls over his face, the thin chain around his neck landing on Youngmin's exposed collarbones. Donghyun dips down to kiss him again, placing his legs on either sides of Youngmin's body and the palm of his hand upon the plane of his neck. Youngmin's hands reach up to play with the small hairs at the back of his head.

 

"Donghyun-ah," Youngmin calls in between small pecks. "Donghyun-ah." He loves it — hearing his name land on the tip of Youngmin's tongue over and over again, the syllables voiced out smoothly. He pulls away for a moment, his fingers brushing away Youngmin's hair. " _Donghyun-ah_ ," the elder calls again. One last time, he kisses Youngmin.

 

Donghyun lingers his lips on the elder's a little longer before looking down at Youngmin, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes hooded. They stay like that for a while, just staring at each other in silence. Donghyun falls down next to Youngmin after a few moments, placing his head on his shoulder,  his lips touching his jaw. "I'll regret this tomorrow, won't I, Youngmin-hyung? I'll really kick you out of my life," he laughs breathily.

 

Youngmin turns around so he's facing the younger, slipping his hands beneath Donghyun's thin t-shirt. He pulls him closer so their clothed bodies are touching, tracing random shapes on the bare skin, his touch light and barely there. "You will," he states, his voice low. "But I don't have to die knowing that I've never kissed your lips, Donghyun-ah."

 

One bottle of alcohol has never been enough to make him feel  _this_ tipsy, but tonight, Donghyun's feeling all fuzzy and warm inside as though he'd downed three, and he'd only drank a half-empty bottle left in the fridge from the night Youngmin walked out. Maybe it really is Youngmin in his entirety. Maybe it's the new colour on him that made Donghyun even more drunk because he just looks so damn good, maybe it's the black cable knit sweater clinging to his body that compliments him even more.  Maybe it's just the below freezing temperature in Hongdae. Donghyun can't tell.

 

He's somewhat half-aware of his surroundings and what just happened. And he knows he should lift his head up from Youngmin's shoulder and get off the couch, take his hands away from the hot skin of his sides and ask him to leave his condo right now. He really should. He really should wipe Im Youngmin out of his life, but he doesn't have the heart to do so.

 

And Donghyun has to face the sad truth, that Youngmin is possibly the only person he trusts right now.

 

The even sadder truth? He needs Youngmin — and losing Youngmin, meant losing his sanity.

 

* * *

 

Youngmin wakes up to Donghyun's breath tickling his neck and his head laid upon his chest, right where he can clearly hear his heart beating. His arm is draped over Donghyun's waist, the latter's around his own, and their legs are tangled under the wide white blanket.

 

They'd fallen asleep on the couch after last night's episode, which ended with Youngmin running his fingers through Donghyun's dark hair and the latter not saying anything for the rest of the night. Youngmin cautiously lifts his arm up from the younger's thin body, reaching up to brush Donghyun's fringe out of his face. He gently slides his thumb across his cheekbone, caressing his face.

 

Honestly speaking, Youngmin doesn't know what to expect when Donghyun wakes up and sees him so close to him. He doesn't know if Donghyun would push him away again, or if he'd forget everything that happened last night and think that he'd taken advantage of him, or if he would really throw him out and not want to see him ever again.

 

Youngmin carefully detaches himself from Donghyun, standing up and pulling the blanket up to cover him fully. He watches the younger curl up slightly and positions himself more comfortably on the couch, his eyes still closed and his breathing steady. Youngmin heaves a sigh of relief, grabbing his coat off the ground and putting it on. He paces around, finding a piece of paper and a pen to write with.

 

He places the letter he wrote on the table alongside a glass of water and aspirin, before kneeling down in front of the couch. He looks at Donghyun for a few moments, holding his face in his hands. Youngmin hesitates, but drops a kiss on his forehead, lingering his lips for a while.

 

And then he gets up and leaves.

 

* * *

 

**PART III.**

 

When Donghyun wakes up, it's already almost 2p.m. He stretches for a bit, blinks his eyes a few times, squinting at the bright rays from the sun shining through the window right in front of him. He looks to his right and sees pills, a glass of water and a folded piece of paper, with his name written on it. It's only then that he realizes, Youngmin is nowhere to be seen.

 

His head hurts when he sits up right. Donghyun downs the aspirin and finishes the water, closing his eyes momentarily and leaning back. He doesn't know why there's a feeling in his gut refusing to unfold the paper. It's almost like a bad vibe. He opens it anyway.

 

 _Donghyun_ , he'd recognize the handwriting anywhere — Youngmin's.  _I've known you for almost three years. And I fell in love with you two years ago, before he entered your life and crashed your walls down. I let the chance slip away through my fingers just like that, Donghyun._ _I was too late. I'm sorry I couldn't save you from all the pain he inflicted and all the torment he caused. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'll forever be remorseful that I let you go so easily without a fight._

 

_I'm writing this to tell you everything I didn't say last night. Donghyun, you should know by now how madly in love I am with you. In this close to five months I've stuck by your side and accompanied you during those cold lonely nights, you should know that my love for you grows more and more as each day passes. Every word that I've sworn to you, you should know that I mean all of it. I really do mean it, Kim Donghyun. I do love you. So much. More than I can even begin to tell you._

 

_Seeing you hurt like this, with your bloodshot eyes and your cuts that keep on being layered, hurts me more than I know it should. If I had the chance to I'd kiss all the scars on your wrists and all the other places on your body the blade has grazed. You know I'll never get tired of wiping all your tears away, Donghyun, but if there was a way to end it all I'd make it so that the only tears you'll shed are tears of joy and not pain and sadness._

 

_I've always told myself that I'll take care of you till the end. And it's true — I really will, until you tell me to stop, until you find someone else better than me. I'll stop taking care of you when you find someone who will watch Me Before You with you, someone who'll play with your fingers when you lay your head in their lap, someone who isn't afraid to show the whole world that you're theirs. Someone who won't hurt you, someone who won't make you a second choice, someone who'll love you for all your imperfections and your flaws. I've deluded myself so much that I even started believing that I'm that someone, but fate always has its way, and I know for sure that your someone special is anyone else but me. You deserve so much more than what I can give you._

 

_Only God knows how long I've wanted to feel your lips on mine, how much I needed to feel your hands on me. Kissing you and having your fingers ghosting over my neck, seeing you so close and seeing a different side of you — no one would be able to understand how fast my heart was beating, how dizzy I was, how it all seemed like a blur._

 

_But I hope you remember everything you said and everything that happened. I hope it wasn't just a dream that I'll wake up from. I hope what I heard was right and it was all true, Donghyun._

 

_You can forget all about this letter when you finish reading it, which is right about now. Tear it apart, burn it, do whatever you want to forget I even wrote it to you._

 

_But Donghyun, please never forget this. Please never, ever forget that I love you with my whole entire heart. You are what matters the most to me, you are my number one priority. You are my world, my universe, my stars, my moon, my sun. Undoubtedly, you are my everything, and I love you. I love you so fucking much, I can't even find the words to tell you about it. I love you. It's all I know._

 

_I'll give you the time and space you need. I won't be coming over this coming Wednesday night._

 

Donghyun puts the letter down on the table, knitting his brows together as he hugs his knees close to his chest. Of course he remembers everything he told Youngmin. In his half-drunken state, he managed to tell him whatever he'd bottled up in the past months. But it wasn't enough to make Youngmin stay. And that... made Donghyun feel a little bit more than just uneasy.

 

He wants to call Youngmin right now and ask him to come back, kiss him again and pull him close, feel his hands creeping under his t-shirt and shuddering at his cold touch. Donghyun feels empty, almost lifeless. He wants to tell Youngmin that he did mean everything he said and that he does love him back, that it wasn't a daydream, but he knows that he'll wince and shut him out before he can even begin to tell Youngmin anything.

 

Donghyun spots the pack of cigarettes on the table. There's a lighter in the pocket of his hoodie. He can't decide whether he wants to set fire to the letter or light a stick up. He stands up and grabs the pack, walking over to the open window and bringing a stick to his lips. He lights it up, breathing in the nicotine and puffing out smoke, leaving the letter on the table.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks. Donghyun snickers when he sees the countless amount of scars on his wrists. He's finished twelve packs of cigarettes. The crying doesn't stop. It's questionable that the situation with Youngmin hurts him more than his ex-boyfriend leaving him. Uncanny that he feels his heart cave in more than when his ex-boyfriend called him useless and a good-for-nothing.

 

Youngmin gave him the time and space he said he would. But the days pass by slower, the nights seem to go on for hours longer. Donghyun thinks it's just the winter, but he knows it's also the alcohol mixed with desperation and his heart breaking. Either way, surviving a week without Youngmin and having to deal with the naggy colleagues at work make him sick to the stomach. He's still not all that sure how he still has a place in the office.

 

It's Wednesday night again, anyway. Donghyun is restless when he reaches home after work at 7p.m., getting his hopes up that Youngmin  _will_ show up tonight. At 8p.m. after he's done showering and finished getting dressed (he could be less than bothered; he's wearing a grey t-shirt and black sweats), he sits down on the couch and switches on the TV, though he knows they won't even watch whatever they're airing. 9p.m. comes faster than expected.

 

The door clicks open. Youngmin appears in a white sweatshirt under a tan-coloured coat, black jeans covering his long legs. Donghyun holds back the urge to run to him and press his lips against his. He hears his heart palpitating wildly in his chest, almost deafening him. He watches Youngmin take off his socks and place it near the side of the door, before ambling towards him.

 

Donghyun fails to push aside his neediness — he gets up and fists Youngmin's sweatshirt, moulding their lips together. It takes Youngmin aback, but by the time his hands are on Donghyun's waist, the kiss has deepened and they've fallen back onto the couch. Like before, Donghyun strips the coat off Youngmin's shoulders and throws it to the floor. Youngmin only smiles against his lips.

 

"You didn't lock the door again," he tells Donghyun when they pull apart. "You were waiting for me."

 

Youngmin dips down to pepper kisses on his neck, his arms snaking around Donghyun torso. The younger digs his nails on the back of Youngmin's head, his breathing ragged when the latter's lips make their way up the back of his ear.

 

"Was I?" he manages out. "Maybe-- I-- oh," his breath hitches when he feels Youngmin's mouth back to the skin of his throat, his hands already under his t-shirt. The elder pulls the article of clothing down a bit, marking a small hickey just above his collarbones. "I never said I needed two weeks away from you," Donghyun hisses at his cold touch. "Ugh, you drive me insane."

 

Youngmin is kissing him again, lacing his fingers through Donghyun's above his head. "I'm sorry," Youngmin laughs against the kiss. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd miss me as much as I miss you, Donghyun-ah," he gently pulls away, supporting his weight with his arm on the armrest. He looks down at Donghyun and gives him a small smile when his hand reaches out to caress Youngmin's face.

 

Donghyun pulls him down again, planting a close-mouthed kiss on his lips. "I hate you," he says when Youngmin is staring right back at him. "I really do."

 

"I hate myself, too," Youngmin tells him quietly, his fingers touching Donghyun's lips. "I hate myself more than you'd ever imagine."

 

Donghyun hoists himself up and presses their lips together, waiting for Youngmin to sit up right before he settles down on his lap with his legs on either sides of the elder's body. He has his arms resting on Youngmin's shoulders and his hands in his light hair. He shudders when he feels Youngmin's nails grazing the skin on the small of his back, sending goosebumps on his arms and a cold shiver down his spine.

 

He whines when he no longer feels Youngmin's plush lips down his neck and his collarbones. He hears Youngmin chuckle lightly before he catches his lips in another kiss, heated and fast-paced and needy. Youngmin swallows his moans, his fingers moving further up his back. It drives Donghyun mad.

 

It doesn't end the way it would end most of time (thankfully). Donghyun is still sitting in Youngmin's lap with his hands on his chest, their lips moving in sync slowly, more gently than before. Youngmin takes his hands and intertwines their fingers together, setting them down on Donghyun's thighs.

 

"I'm in love with you," Youngmin whispers against his lips. "I'm so fucking mad in love with you, Kim Donghyun."

 

Youngmin lets go of one hand and reaches up to cup his face, pulling him away. He scans Donghyun's visage, from the end of his fringe, the wideness of his eyes, the sharpness of his nose, all the way down the fullness of his lips — slowly, with adoration in his eyes, twinkling and sparkling under the bright lights of the living room. He presses a kiss to Donghyun's lips, his hand falling down to follow the curve of his shoulder and his arm.

 

"I know," Donghyun kisses his knuckles, the tips of his fingers. He tries to ignore the way Youngmin's face falls when he doesn't say the words back. His heart caves in, his eyes tremble and refuse to meet the elder's gaze. He chastely plants his lips on Youngmin's, squeezing his hands lightly, shifting himself closer.  _Me too_ , he's dying to tell Youngmin. "Sorry," he tells him, his voice fading into the silence.

 

Youngmin lifts his chin up. "I didn't expect anything back, Donghyun-ah," the ends of his mouth curl up slightly. "You can't fall in love with me. I can't give you what you deserve, I said it."

 

But Donghyun hears the sheer disappointment laced in his voice, the sad tone hiding behind his small smile. Guilt starts consuming him as the silence in the condo blankets the both of them. He doesn't know what to say, what to tell Youngmin in hopes of not seeming like a big jerk who just crushed his heart into a thousand pieces. So he kisses Youngmin again, but that just makes him even more hurt.

 

"Stop lying to me," Donghyun's features twist into a distressed look. "You can lie to anyone, but not to me. I've known you for three years and I became one of your closest friends two years ago. You've been coming over for the past four months, close to five months. I know you better than anyone else, Youngmin-hyung — you can't lie to me, not about what you did, not about what you're feeling right now," he runs his fingers down the elder's face. "And especially not about your emotions."

 

Youngmin grips his waist, pushing him forward. "Even if I didn't lie to you, would you love me back?"

 

Youngmin's pupils have dilated and his mouth is slightly open. His voice cracked, and it startles Donghyun. He's never seen Youngmin like this, his words filled with so much impact that it made Donghyun a little bit more than just shocked. How is he supposed to answer him? He can't just tell Youngmin whatever that's hidden away in his heart.

 

"No, don't answer me, I'd rather not hear it," he purses his lips into a thin line. "Forget I even asked it, okay?"

 

Donghyun inches closer, wrapping his arms around Youngmin's neck and burying his head in his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he speaks softly, "I am, I really am."

 

Youngmin holds him tighter, stroking his dark hair with his slender fingers. "It's okay, baby. It's okay."

 

* * *

 

"He kissed me back," Youngmin places his chin on his knees. Kenta only looks at him, a small smile playing on his lips. "He kissed me back, Kenta. He did."

 

Kenta lets out a long exhale. "So, is that enough validation? Are you still not convinced that he won't ever leave you in the dark? Youngmin, you need to stop lying to yourself," he sighs, his shoulders drooping. "You told him you can't give him what he needs, you said he deserves someone better than you. All the things you wrote in that damned letter, you know that only you can give it to him. Doesn't it ever occur to you that Donghyun wants you as much as you want him?"

 

"Kenta, he doesn't like me--"

 

"You're telling me he doesn't like you when he eagerly kissed you back? Stop talking."

 

Youngmin's lips twist into a frown. "It's only been almost five months since that asshole left him. And Donghyun... he loved him a lot. It's impossible for him to just suddenly have feelings for me, it doesn't sound right. It doesn't  _feel_ right, Kenta," he knits his brows together.

 

"How long have you been friends with him again? Three years, Youngmin. You never know what he can hide from you all that while. You can never just jump to conclusions, make assumptions that he never once had feelings for you in all those years. What if he fell for you the same time you fell for him, but never got around telling you and ended up moving on because he thought his chances with you were close to nothing? And then he gave up and found someone else who he had hoped would give him happiness the same way you brought him light in your friendship? Think about it, Youngmin," Kenta breathes. "I'm no love doctor, but judging from the way you tell me what he did when you came over, and how you talk about him, it's about time you both sit down and quit beating about the bush. Everyone else can see how hopelessly in love you both are, except for the two of you."

 

Youngmin purses his lips into a tight line. "He didn't say it back, though."

 

"What?  _I love you_?" Youngmin nods. It makes Kenta laugh lightheartedly. "Are his actions not enough to tell you that he does?" he shakes his head, the ends of his mouth curling up to form a wide grin. "Kissing him was a huge step. So what if he didn't say it back? He kissed you. First, when you came over tonight. That's more than enough proof."

 

Kenta reaches out to pat his back. "Believe me. He loves you too."

 

* * *

 

**PART IV.**

 

"Donghyun-ah, let's go out?"

 

Donghyun lets out a breathy laugh. "Where are you taking me?" he asks over the phone, puffing out smoke from breathing in the nicotine. "It's almost midnight, Youngmin-hyung. Unless you plan on breaking into a penthouse and star-gazing, count me out." He puts the cigarette into the ashtray, leaning back onto the couch.

 

"Idiot," Youngmin chuckles lightly. "It's the 31st of December. It's New Year's eve."

 

He blinks a few times. "You want to spend New Year with me?"

 

"Is that wrong, Donghyun-ah? I can't find anyone else good enough to spend it with," the elder admits sheepishly. "Kenta went back to Japan, Sewoon went to Myeongdong with Gwanghyun. I was supposed to go back to Busan last night but my parents told me to spend New Year in Seoul." Youngmin keeps silent for a while. "Spend it with me? It can be our first and last date of the year."

 

Donghyun feels the heat creep up his neck. "Date, huh?" he repeats it again quietly. "I'll meet you at station in ten minutes."

 

He gets dressed quickly, pulling on his denim jeans and throwing a dark red sweater over his black t-shirt. He layers on a grey coat over, grabbing his house keys, his wallet, his phone. Hurriedly putting his socks on, he slips into his white high-cuts, leaving his home shortly after.

 

When he arrives at the station, he spots Youngmin leaning against a wall, dressed in a white turtleneck underneath a black sweater, the same navy blue coat worn over both layers. He has his earphones plugged in and his eyes are wandering about, not quite noticing Donghyun's arrival.

 

Donghyun doesn't say anything; he simply walks towards the elder man and grabs his arm, dragging him out of the station. "Yah, Kim Donghyun--" Youngmin calls, but his voice fades into the winter night, eventually disappearing as a laugh. "You're going the wrong way, just so you know."

 

Youngmin laughs again, taking his hand and turning them around. "Hi," he smiles at Donghyun.

 

He interlaces their fingers together and places their hands in the pocket of his coat. "First and last date of the year has to warm. Can't let your hands freeze to ice," Youngmin squeezes his hand lightly. "Anyway, how much more time until it's midnight? I need to get us there in time to see the fireworks."

 

Donghyun chuckles lightly. "You have thirteen minutes until the clock strikes twelve and the whole of South Korea celebrates this event which I don't even pay attention to. And how long does it take for you to get to the event venue? Right, twenty minutes."

 

Youngmin stops walking. "Twenty minutes? We'll get there in a quarter."

 

"Huh?" Donghyun doesn't get to brace himself, because Youngmin is holding his hand tight and navigating through the crowded streets of Hongdae, running faster than he's ever seen Youngmin run before. He feels his heart palpitate in his chest, so much so it feels like it's going to explode. He's smiling, grinning widely. His heart feels full. His steps feel light. Donghyun hasn't felt this way in a long time.

 

By the time they arrive at the venue, it's 11:57p.m., and they're breathless, hands on knees and panting heavily. "Ah, fuck you," Donghyun playfully sends Youngmin a glare. "The least you could've done was give me a warning that I was going to be  _sprinting_ on the streets."

 

"What's the fun in that, then?" the elder recovers, taking his hand again. "Whatever, we're here, Donghyun-ah."

 

There are crowds of youngsters, a few couples and some others who look like college students. There's a digital clock showing how much time there's left until it's the new year, counting down to the seconds and minutes. The music is loud, blaring through the speakers near the stage. The both of them don't bother about who's performing. Donghyun only stares at the clock.

 

When they start counting the one minute down, everything starts getting blurry. Donghyun feels Youngmin squeeze his hand a little tighter, grazing his thumb across his knuckle. The elder is counting down, his eyes bright and his cheekbones raised from smiling. Donghyun keeps mum, interlacing their fingers together. It gets louder by the time it reaches down to the final 10 seconds of the year. Donghyun laughs dryly. He doesn't know why.

 

The fireworks erupt from above, clashing greens and reds and yellows, the colours reflecting on eyes and fair skin. Donghyun looks to his left and sees Youngmin's lips shaped into a small 'o', eyes lit up and a grin on his face. It's almost like there's light illuminating from him, as though he's glowing. Standing beside him like this, Donghyun thinks Youngmin has never looked more beautiful. 

 

He tugs on their entwined hands before Youngmin turns to stand directly in front of him. Donghyun doesn't know how, but he's kissing him, under the vivid colours and the snow which started falling, in the large crowd of people and in the loud music ringing in his ears. It's slow and steady, gentle, if not passionate. Youngmin's hands make their way onto his waist, pulling him closer.

 

It's unreal. Donghyun thinks he just wants to stop time and live in this moment forever.

 

"Happy New Year," he mumbles quietly against Youngmin's lips. "I love you."

 

Youngmin holds his face in his hands, their foreheads and noses touching. "You know it, Donghyun-ah," his voice is barely audible. "I love you more."

 

* * *

 

Youngmin had never been one with parties, or large crowds of people dancing around aimlessly, or ridiculously loud music blaring through mega speakers. And (of course) he knew that Donghyun had a love-hate relationship with them. Either way, by the time it's 1a.m. and it gets even more havoc, Youngmin is grabbing the younger's hand and pulling him out of the location.

 

"W-where--" Donghyun jogs to catch up with him. "We're heading back to the station? We missed the last tr--"

 

"No," he shrugs, coming to a halt. They're standing at the sidewalk — Youngmin tapping away on his phone and Donghyun constantly tugging on his free hand. He ignores Donghyun's voice asking him where is he taking them to, only looking up to give him a sly smirk and a sneaky wink. The younger groans and curses under his breath. "You'll just have to wait and see, Donghyun-ah."

 

They get into an Uber shortly after, which confuses Donghyun even more. Youngmin leans forward to confirm the location with the driver. "Take the longer way, I'll pay more, don't worry," he tells the man, who looks in his mid-thirties. The driver nods and gives the both of them a warm smile, stepping on the engine.

 

"Longer way?" Donghyun blinks, frowning at the elder. "Are you kidnapping me?"

 

Youngmin laughs. "No, you dummy. You haven't went out to appreciate the nightlife for a long time. You only leave your home to go to work, go to the convenience store, go to the supermarket. When's the last time you rode in the backseat of a car and stared out the window?" A small smile plays on his lips. "First date of the year."

 

They get out of the car about 20 minutes later. Youngmin sees Donghyun's face light up.

 

Eurwangni Beach.

 

Youngmin takes his hand and they start walking slowly, moving down the sand. They take off their shoes and pad across the coast, the water washing over their feet. "I met you here," Youngmin keeps his gaze fixated to their entwined hands. "When Sewoon said it was going to be boring if it was just him and I hanging out like two losers. I think asking you to come along was the best thing he's ever done."

 

"It'll be four years soon, huh?" Donghyun's voice is soft. "Since we've known each other."

 

The winter wind brushes against their cheeks gently. "It's been a long time."

 

"I find it funny," Donghyun speaks up after a long silence. "I've looked everywhere to find a cure for my pain, Youngmin-hyung. I got so absorbed and determined, that I forgot you were standing right in front of me all along," he lets out a low chuckle, placing his head on the elder's shoulder. "I really am stubborn. And delusional. Above all, really delusional."

 

Youngmin slips his fingers through Donghyun's. "Delusional?"

 

"Yeah, delusional," Donghyun lets out an exasperated sigh. "I think that was why he left me and beat me up and refused to treat me like his own lover — because he could see right through me. Maybe it was the way I talked about you, and how often I went out with you while we were still together. Maybe he heard the hint of adoration in my voice when I mentioned your name in our daily conversations, I'll never know." He holds Youngmin's hand tighter. "Delusional, because I kept on lying to myself, hyung. Looking back at it now, I somewhat forced myself to love him, when I knew I'd already fallen for you."

 

The elder stops dead in his tracks. "When was this? No, not when you started dating him but when you realised you had feelings for me--  _when_ did you even  _start_ having feelings for me, Kim Donghyun--"

 

"One and a half years ago?" Donghyun grins. "Somewhere there? I think so."

 

"And you didn't tell me anything at all?" Youngmin pouts. "Dumb-ass, we could've saved our breath a long time ago and you didn't need to go through so much shit. But, okay, I'll shut up because I didn't try to tell you anything either," he scrunches up his nose, a sheepish smile forming on his face. "We're over it, now, though? Right? I can tell the whole world how much I love you without worrying about anything."

 

Donghyun lets go of his hand and stands in front of the elder, putting his arms on Youngmin's shoulders. "Yeah, you can scream out loud right here and right now and I won't even do so much as even care about it," he doesn't meet Youngmin's gaze, as though he's shy. Youngmin finds it fucking cute.

 

"Nah, thinking about it now, I wouldn't want the  _whole_ world to know that I love you," Youngmin looks at him indifferently. Donghyun frowns, his eyes quizzical. "I'd rather just say it here. Only to you. So you'd know how much love I have to give you." The elder wiggles his eyebrows, grinning widely.

 

"Disgusting," Donghyun punches his chest playfully. "You're awfully cheesy."

 

Youngmin rolls his eyes. "My letter was cheesier than this. You didn't burn it."

 

The twenty-two year old blinks a few times, acting shocked. "Stalker confirmed."

 

"So it  _i_ _s_ true. You  _didn't_ burn it."

 

Donghyun gives in. "Fine. Only because I know you're too pussy to tell me all of that face-to-face. I need to count my blessings, Im Youngmin."

 

Youngmin shakes his head, chuckling lightly as he pulls Donghyun closer. His hands are clasped on a small of his back and the side of his face is against Donghyun's head. They stay like that for a while in silence, only their breaths and the water crashing on shore filling their ears. It's peaceful. It's the daydream Youngmin had always wanted to come to life. His lips curl up slightly.

 

"Donghyun-ah," he breathes. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

 

The younger pulls away from the embrace. He gives Youngmin one long stare, before breaking out into a priceless smile. Donghyun connects their lips together, kissing him slowly. "Yeah," he utters against Youngmin's plush lips. "I'd like that."

 

* * *

 

**PART V: EPILOGUE**

 

"Well, that was shit," Youngmin scorns, leaning back against the couch. " _Nerve_ was better."

 

Donghyun groans. "You will literally never shut up about  _Nerve_."

 

"You talk about me not shutting up about  _Nerve_ as if  _you_ shut up about  _Me Before You_."

 

Donghyun's jaw drops, blinking at Youngmin in disbelief. He puts the empty bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, folding his arms across his chest. "Ugly bitch, that's the movie which made me love you even more," he playfully turns away from the elder. "Fine with me if you hate it so much. You won't be the only person I watch it with, then. I should ask Sewoon to come over with Gwanghyun."

 

Youngmin lets out a giggle. "Ah, you're so cute," he sighs, carefully taking his arm and pulling him back so his head lands on his lap. Donghyun refuses to open his eyes, his lips twisted into a frown. "Okay, okay,  _fine_ , I'll shut up about  _Nerve_. I'd rather hear you talk about that  _amazing_ movie all night long, babe," he brushes his hair away from his face. "Don't sulk like that. It makes me want to double over and die."

 

Donghyun slowly opens his eyes, sitting up right and facing his boyfriend. "But I'm kind of getting bored of that movie, though."

 

"Finally! I mean, oh, why, Donghyun-ah?" Youngmin pretends to look concerned.

 

Donghyun flicks his forehead. "Go fuck yourself."

 

"I'd fuck you instead," Youngmin shrugs.

 

The younger crawls over to him. "Ah, that's how you want it tonight?"

 

Donghyun teases, pulling Youngmin's bottom lip with his teeth. The elder lets out a low moan, placing his hands on Donghyun's waist and shifting a bit so he can sit on his lap. No longer than a flat two minutes later, the kiss has gotten fast-paced and heated. Youngmin's fingers trail up his spine, throwing the white t-shirt over his head. Donghyun gasps when he feels the elder's lips down his neck and his collarbones and his now fully exposed chest.

 

"Im Youngmin, this better end the way it should," he groans. "Last year when we were in the middle of this we always ended up falling asleep."

 

Youngmin grips his waist tighter, leaving a mark in the middle of his chest. He hums against the bruised skin, moving his lips up Donghyun's throat and jaw. He kisses the younger again, his fingers ghosting down his bare body. Donghyun is a whining mess in front of his eyes, begging to be touched.

 

Youngmin thinks it's so hot.

 

"Hurry up," Donghyun's voice is small. It takes him aback when Youngmin pushes him backwards, hovering over him and kissing down his body all over. "Hyung," he drags when Youngmin stops at the waistband of his sweats. The elder only chuckles lowly, catching his lips again.

 

"You're so whiney, Donghyun-ah," Youngmin mumbles in between pecks. "So," he traces his finger down his collarbone, "needy."

 

Donghyun rolls his eyes, throwing his head back against the cushions when Youngmin marks another hickey, this time on his neck.

 

"I hate you," Donghyun tells him breathlessly.

 

Youngmin pulls away and kneels with his legs on either sides of his body, his head cocked to the side and one eyebrow raised. "If you say it that way then," he snickers. "I guess someone really won't get it tonight."

 

"Okay, fuck, I love you," Donghyun reaches up to fist a handful of his t-shirt, pulling him down. "I'll love you a whole lot more if you fuck me tonight, I'll shut up about  _Me Before You_ , I'll watch  _Nerve_ with you again tomorrow-- whatever, I'll do anything you want, just, ugh,  _fuck me already_."

 

Youngmin pulls his own t-shirt over his head. "Now we're talking."

 

And they make love under the dimly-lit lights, Donghyun an alluring mess in Youngmin's glinting eyes. It's bliss, Donghyun thinks, when he lands beside the elder, their legs tangled together and his head resting on his shoulder.

 

"I love you," Donghyun plants a kiss at the back of his ear. "I love you."

 

Youngmin exhales deeply. "I love you more."


End file.
